3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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