Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize