you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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