Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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