I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
