You can't motorboat a personality
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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