Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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