Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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