I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize