dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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