They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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