If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize