just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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