Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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