I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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