I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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