i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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