just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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