Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize