I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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