There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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