we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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