Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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