btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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