The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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