DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize