i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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