Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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