I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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