i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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