This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize