you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
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She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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