I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize