I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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