she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize