I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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