He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
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I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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