Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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