Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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