thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Screwed.edu
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize