Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize