Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
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I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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