I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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