i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize