This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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