He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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