You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize