Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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