I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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