Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
